the craziest thing in the new year.

In the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

Salam alaik.

i think i have done something out of my conscious. well, not really i was unconscious. nape ek? still i dont have the answer why on earth did i really want to send that message to him. even if i pick up the phone the day he called me, i wouldn't have the answer if he asked why. i would just sit still and keep silent.

and i still don;t have the strength to face up the risk if i pick it up. what if i am not strong enough to hear all the harsh, sarcastic or complicated questions or words from him? that would probably be bad enough for me. im still not ready to shed another tears in this new year mood. still didnt have enough courage to pull my self back if my pride and heart being injured badly like last time.

sigh. why on earth did i send that particular mesage to him.? it was the same message he sent to me in 2007 or 2008 i guess. can;t remember them very well. i didn't know if he still remember that particular message was from him. he probably wont remember it. im pretty sure.

im not ready to be scolded by him because of my stupidity and reckless action.

but up till now i keep wondering, did he really wanted to curse me because of the message? sigh.

i didnt want to involve in his life anymore. i really do. dont want to interfere into his life either. we both have our very own life at the moment and i dont want to lose it anymore like before.

i just want to send that particular message and that's it.

am i crazy or what?

is this called intuition or stupidity for following and trusting my very own heart so much?

was he mad at me?

did he hate what i do?

pretty sure i guess the answer is a YES. sigh. padan muka saya.

ok, next time don't do anything stupid like that regardless of how much u really wanna do it!.

hopefully he is in his stable mode now. im really sorry for causing u trouble by sending u that message.

u probably already have another person in mind. :) good luck in life mr s.

this is the best for me.

and it's already a year.

i should get myself back. pull it together to grab all the chances in front.

why is it so hard for u to move miss lil heart?

sigh. c'mon, walk...walk...walk...and don't keep that feeling anymore. left it somewhere in the middle.




Yours Truthfully,
Misz iNz