finally at ease.

In the name of Allah The Most Beneficent The Most Merciful

Salam.

erm, it has been a while since my last entry.
ok, what to talk about now? the past few days, i have been texting him quite frequently. i mean, yes he started it first. and it lasts about errr like everynite? up till tonite. should i feel greatful for that? at least i got my head on the track back. i was having quite an amazing day today by having his face all over my eyes. sigh. i know this is a good sign. i should have make myself well prepared for this circumstances. i just couldn't believe that it will come in short notice! didn't i said that i was phobia and all....

and suddenly it all went away the moment i saw his face! amazing...amazing...amazing...

ok, so tonite, ever since i don't have much thing to do, and so i decided to stalk my ex. haha. ok, it is not because i still couldn't let him go, actually i did. pretty sure this time. sebab?

while i was holding the very big bear he gave to me (mahal jugak, that is why i didn't have the heart to throw it all back then)...it feels sooo comfy and nice...with the heart missing another person's name.!

see? told ya, i have moving on. in this part which makes me feels so.....greatful. alhamdulillah. but the hardest part is?

i have to surpress this feeling inside, deep deep inside. because i am not sure whether he feels the same way too or not. ok, he might feel it inside. but i am just not sure whether it is strong enough or not.

tak ape. just go out as frens. frens and get to know him better! ok?

ok next, at first i did not want to view my ex in the first place! haha. tak ada hati da weh. like, tak mahu sangat3....macam tak hingin pun tahu what happen to him. biaq pi kat die la kan? ada saya kisah? like he ever cares wbout me after what he did before?...he is already blacklisted by me. forever.

but i forgive him for everything because i know that i too have made mistakes. so, it is equal lah then kan? eventhough up till now i still don't think that he has the right to do all those nasty things to me.

but tonite,

i viewed his page.

and i found out that he changed his status from widowed to in an open relationship. amazingly, i did not feel anything. like he is just another person i know from utp. and that's it. somehow it makes me feels at ease now. sebab i know now that he is ok. already forget the past. in a good condition. that's what i pray for him each day before this. so, im glad that it come true. and so, i also believe that my silver lining will be coming sooner. ;)

or maybe it is there already. but i am just not ready yet to accept it. not another broken hearted girl in 2010.

im so happy that everyone finally has their happy ending. and MF, i hope he can forget the past also. like i did. really hope that he can move on and lead a happy life. i really want to see him smiling and laughing and be happy all the time. i really want to be that person. the person who can crack smiles on his face and makes him laugh over silly jokes and funny stories.

the only thing is:

he is really has a heart...tak ingat dah nak tulis ape. adei.
alhamdulillah.....im back to normal again. adoyai.

dont know why, but i really wanted to be the person who always makes him happy! and be the one who will shed away all his tears (kalau ade lah kan?) can i be that person?

can i hold that special place in your heart? can i win your heart? among the other girls u know.


Yours Truthfully,
Misz iNz